Even Stranger in a Strange Land

Most of the time, provincialism is just a minor nuisance to me. The Provincials walk around and buzz like insects, spouting ideals they were handed down like some heirloom, never be questioned. Normally, I would say that Conservatives make the worst kind of Provincials...

But I live in Madison, Wisconsin.

The progressives in Madison can be so immature and myopic at times that I could just scream. Usually, I'm a very tolerant person... but they've defiled my car. My car! The most likely case is that some drunk progressive walked down the street and saw my Texas license plates. I can see the liberal thoughts running through his/her head right now:

"oh, look... someone from Texas..."
"Bush comes from Texas, and I hate Bush."

"Therefore, this person must be different than me. I hate things that are different than myself."
"I must assure that this one individual suffers for the actions of his people!"

The person then decides that it's a good idea to bend my plates inward and de-case my side-view mirror. Oh my God, I could murder this person.

I have just a few items to complain about. My highly trained scientific mind has a few problems with his f**ked up logic!

1. I'm not conservative.
2. I didn't vote for Bush.

3. Yes, I'm from Texas. In fact, all my family is from Texas. We've been in Texas since before people came over on boats. It's my Homeland! I can't help but get slight traces of racism from his anti-Texas sentiment. How provincial to see Texas in only a hundred year's light, when American settlers began to invade... whereas my people have been there for millennia.

4. How dare you call yourself progressive and have such hatred of things that are not like yourself. Don't you ever speak to me of 'tolerance' or 'diversity' or 'democracy' or 'peace' again! If you can't help but deface my damn car because you dislike my Homeland, how can you possibly think that we can stop war abroad. You can't even keep your hands off my property.

Ok. *Deep Breath* My brakes also shrill, but that problem was there to begin with. Alright, I feel better now.

So, let's think positive and proactive. Instead of hunting down the person and murdering them, I thought of a more peaceful way to deal with this issue.

I've decided to go out and purchase a gay sticker for my car. Since I'm gay, this seems like a logical choice... except I hate rainbows and cringe at the color pink. No wonder why so many people are afraid to come out. They fear being doused in pink and rainbows. If I would have known, I would have stayed in the closet.

Either way, I'll affix the sticker to my car in a visible spot. This will act as an anti-progressive shield, allowing me to park my car in peace... Until now, it never occurred to me to place gay symbols on my person and property in order to feel safe.

My, how the times change. Welcome to Madison.