Monday, August 28, 2006

Eccentric Orbit

Recently, the International Astronomical Union convened to decide what a celestial body had to do in order to be considered an upstanding member of our solar system. Since the discovery of Pluto, someone had identified another celestial body that was larger than our distant neighbor. Was this new find a planet, or was it not?

For a while there, many people thought we were going to open our arms to another planet. The tenth planet.

So, what was this new candidate's codename?

Xena, which came complete with its very own moon, Gabrielle. Here is where the trouble starts. Do we really want lesbians in our sector of the Milky Way? I mean, with a solar system filled with Roman gods, would Xena and Gabrielle really fit in? Would they get along with Venus, goddess of love and sensuality? What sort of objections would Saturn have, being the goddess of households and good-little-wives? Something tells me that Xena might not be approved for residency.

Did the International astronomical Union stop there? Was it enough to not allow Xena into our solar system?

No. Their eyes turned to our most beloved planet, Pluto. I mean, if Xena was smaller than Pluto, everything would be ok... but Pluto is somewhat deficient in size. Sure, it's a little small, but it was smaller than Xena. Obviously, according to the International Astronomical Union, being smaller than a lesbian planet isn't ok. Pluto isn't allowed to be a major planetary body anymore.

Sure, they made up some nonsense about being able to "clear the neighborhood." However, I don't buy that they're interested in clearing any other neighborhood than their own solar system. Man, Pluto was my favorite planet. Why do they have to be so... emotionally (not thermally) cold?

nothing less than the coolest planet ever

So, here is my tribute to you, Pluto. They had it out for you from the start, but you continued on with your eccentric orbit. I mean, who else showed me that you don't have to be all nice and circular-elliptical to be a planet? You always plotted your own course, even if it got in the way of Neptune at times. They say you might be too small, but I don't buy that either. I mean, you even have your own moon... which is almost as big as you are! You balance it with creative style by not even having its rotational center fall under your surface, and instead, they complain about how unconventional you made your satellite policy.

Plus, nobody pulled off "Mysterious Planet X" like you did. I mean, you were named after the god of the underworld by some eleven-year-old. If she could spot your ultra-smoothness, it had to be something special.

Well, I disagree with their arbitrary decision to not "include" you in our little solar system community. However, you'll always be a planet to me.

They were just jealous of your orbit, I bet.

Here's to you, Pluto. You'll always be my favorite planet, even if you're not a planet anymore.


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